Here’s something not many people say out loud…
Especially when your journey through motherhood has been tangled up with abuse, control, gaslighting, court orders, and heartache.
While the world’s pushing breakfast in bed, glittery cards and “best mum ever” mugs… you might be quietly bracing yourself for disappointment, loneliness, or yet another emotional curveball.
So let’s give this whole day a bit of breathing room.
Let’s acknowledge that Mother’s Day doesn’t always feel good – and that’s OK.
You don’t need a card or flowers to prove you’re a brilliant mum.
You don’t need your child by your side to validate your love.
And you definitely don’t need a social media highlight reel to feel seen.
You’ve shown up on the messy days. You’ve held it together when everything fell apart.
You’ve been doing the work – quietly, relentlessly.
That’s motherhood.
Not just the shiny bits.
Truth bomb: you don’t have to do anything.
If you want to switch off your phone, avoid the shops and hide under a blanket for the day? Totally valid.
If you want to reclaim the day and do something that feels joyful? Amazing.
If you’re somewhere in between? Yep – that’s allowed too.
You don’t owe the world a perfect day. You owe yourself compassion.
Mother’s Day can trigger all sorts of emotions – especially if your children aren’t with you, or the day gets derailed by an ex who’s still trying to control the narrative.
Instead of sitting in the what-ifs… try this:
Plan one small thing you can look forward to. Just for you.
A walk. A movie. A solo breakfast with a croissant and your favourite podcast.
Book a massage. Have a nap. Paint your nails. Sit in silence. Cry. Dance. Call someone who gets it.
Whatever soothes your nervous system – that’s the plan.
Because while Mother’s Day is often about giving… this time, you get to give to yourself.
Sometimes, when life’s been chaotic, it’s easy to forget the magic in the small moments.
So if you do get to spend time with your kids – don’t worry about big gestures.
Let go of the “Instagram version” of the day.
Instead, focus on presence over presents.
Laugh together. Play. Watch something silly. Cook something easy. Make a mess and call it a memory.
Your kids don’t need perfection. They need you.
The safe, loving, real you.
And if they’re not with you? Write them a letter. Talk out loud to them. Look at baby photos. Feel what you need to feel – but also remind yourself:
They know who their mum is.
Let’s be honest… when you’ve come through abuse, a lot of traditional “rules” don’t really apply anymore.
So who says Mother’s Day has to look a certain way?
Celebrate on a Tuesday if you want to.
Have pizza for breakfast.
Toast to your own resilience with a mocktail (or an actual one).
Make your own version of the day – one that doesn’t trigger anxiety or guilt, but honours everything you’ve overcome.
You’re not just surviving motherhood. You’re surviving everything that came with it.
That deserves more than a card. That deserves respect.
You are strong.
You are doing better than you think.
And you are a phenomenal mother – not because of a day on the calendar, but because of who you are and how you love.
Nationally there are a range of helplines available, including (but not limited to):-
Other useful contacts:-
