Relationships should make you feel safe, respected, valued and able to be yourself.

Whether it’s a boyfriend, girlfriend, someone your dating, a situationship, an online relationship, or even a friendship – healthy relationships are built on trust, honesty and respect.

Sometimes unhealthy behaviors can seem ‘normal’ at first especially online or in teenage relationships. Things like constantly checking your location, demanding replies straight away or making you feel guilty for spending time with other people are not signs of love – they are signs of control.

You deserve relationships where you feel comfortable, supported and free to be yourself.

Green flags in a Healthy Relationship

Green flags are behaviors and feelings we should strive for in a relationship.

A healthy relationship should make you feel:

• Safe and respected
• Listened to and valued
• Comfortable being yourself
• Trusted without needing to ‘prove’ anything
• Supported and encouraged with your friendships, hobbies and goals
• You are able to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty
• Free to spend time with friends and family
• Comfortable, with open and honest communication
• Equal – not controlled or pressured
• Happy more often than worried or anxious.

Healthy relationships also include:

• Respecting boundaries
• Trusting each other offline and online
• Encouraging independence
• Taking responsibility for mistakes
• Supporting each other’s mental wellbeing and contributing to the relationship’s wellbeing
• Feeling able to talk opening about problems
• Not fearing repercussions if you do something ‘wrong’

Red flags in an Unhealthy relationship

‘Red flags’ are behaviors we should look out for, that can potentially signal someone is controlling or abusing us. Unhealthy relationships often start with small behaviors that become more controlling over time.

Red flags can include someone:

• Constantly checking where you are
• Demanding instant replies to messages
• Getting angry if you don’t reply quickly or answer when they call
• Demanding your passwords or checking your phone
• Tracking your location
• Telling you what to wear or who you can and can’t talk to
• Making you feel guilty for spending time with other people
• Pressuring you to send photos or messages you’re uncomfortable with
• Threatening to hurt themselves if you leave
• Isolating you from friends or family
• Making you feel ‘scared, anxious or ‘on edge’, like you’re worried what will happen next
• Ignoring your boundaries or consent
• Gaslighting us

Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is when a person makes you feel like you are going ‘mad’. It could be denying things happened or telling you it’s all in your head. They say things like “can’t you take a joke”, “I didn’t say that”, “you must be confused again”, “you’re so sensitive”, “stop imagining things”, “I was just joking”.

If someone makes you feel afraid, controlled, pressured or isolated, that is NOT healthy  – even if they say it’s because they ‘love or ‘care’ about you.

Relationships happen both in person and online. Digital abuse is still abuse and it not ok.

Consent matters!

Consent means freely agreeing to something. You should never feel pressured, forced, manipulated or scared into saying yes.

Consent should always be:

Freely given

Clear

Ongoing

Respectful

If you are worried about yourself or a friend.

Sometimes people stay in unhealthy relationships because they feel confused, scared, embarrassed or worried they won’t be believed.

You are NOT alone

If something doesn’t feel right. It’s ok to talk to someone you trust.

You deserve healthy relationships, healthy boundaries and to feel safe being yourself.