If someone has disclosed domestic abuse to you, your response can make a significant difference. Many victims and survivors worry that they will not be believed, may feel ashamed, frightened or confused, and often take a great deal of courage to speak about what is happening.

You do not need to have all the answers. Simply listening without judgement and helping them access the right support can be incredibly valuable.

What You Can Do

• Listen and believe them. Allow them to talk at their own pace and reassure them that you take what they are saying seriously.
• Acknowledge their courage. It can be extremely difficult for someone to speak about abuse, particularly if they have been isolated, threatened or made to feel responsible for what is happening.
• Reassure them that the abuse is not their fault. No one deserves to be abused, regardless of the circumstances.
• Validate their feelings. Fear, confusion, anger, guilt and sadness are all common responses to abuse.
• Avoid pressuring them to leave the relationship. Leaving can be a complex and dangerous time for many victims. Instead, support them to make informed decisions when they feel ready.
• Encourage them to seek specialist support. Domestic abuse services can provide confidential advice, safety planning and practical support tailored to their situation.
• Signpost them to DAVSS. Encourage them to contact our Support Hub directly or complete a self-referral so they can access specialist advice and support. If they are unsure about making contact themselves, you can contact DAVSS for guidance on how best to support them.
• Help them consider their safety. If appropriate, discuss ways to stay safe and encourage them to seek specialist advice around safety planning.
• Encourage medical attention if needed. If they have been injured, encourage them to seek medical support and ensure any injuries are documented.
• Support them if they choose to report to the police. Reporting is a personal decision, but practical and emotional support can help them feel less alone.
• Be patient. It can take time for someone to recognise abuse, seek help or make changes to their situation. Continue to offer support without judgement.
• Keep information about local support services available. Having contact details to hand can make it easier for someone to reach out when they are ready.

What Not to Do

• Do not blame them for the abuse or question why they have stayed.
• Do not minimise what they are experiencing.
• Do not confront or attempt to speak to the perpetrator on their behalf, as this could increase the risk to both of you.
• Do not make promises you cannot keep, particularly around confidentiality if there are safeguarding concerns.
• Do not put yourself at risk.

Remember

You are not expected to be an expert in domestic abuse. The most important thing is that the person feels heard, believed and supported.

If you are concerned about someone and would like advice, DAVSS can help. Our team can provide guidance to friends, family members, colleagues and professionals on how best to support someone experiencing domestic abuse, as well as helping the victim access specialist support through our Support Hub (01892 570 538) and self-referral services.